Starting a garden...

...is really easy; and you save money on vegetables. Right? That's what I thought until I tried it. Below is a record of how yet another of my bright ideas came to nothing:

It was a beautiful day as I sat in the shade watching the weeds grow. I was supposed to be getting my garden started, but first I had to make a plan. So there I was, sipping lemonade and sitting in my hammock on the back porch. I knew what I had to do first: rent a rototiller and get rid of those weeds. So I jumped in the car and flew to the nearest tractor store. As I walked around the store I questioned my motives for starting a garden. Maybe this wasn't so inexpensive after all. But then agai,n I guess I do spend more than $300 on vegetables every year. So I went ahead and rented the $300 rototiller. This wasn't any ordinary tiller either: it was self-driven. All I had to do was set what speed I wanted and off it would go. At least, that's what the guy in the store said.

When I got home I couldn't wait to try out this fancy tiller. I pulled it out of the back of my car and pushed it around to the backyard. Then I pushed the little bubbly thingy, pulled the little stick back, and yanked the big long string. I could tell this thing had power as it sat there purring away. Then I took hold of the shift stick and threw it into full speed ahead! The machine drove right across the back yard, plowing up the earth as it went, then through the back fence and across the neighbor's lawn, eating up chairs, barbecues, and anything else that got in its way. I realized I would have to start following it if I wanted to see the rest of the show, so I took off running. After going through the back wall of the neighbor's garage and out through their closed garage door, the tiller finally came to a rest after being hit by a special edition 2010 Cadillac Escalade.

Now I am sitting in my hammock on the back porch watching the weeds grow and writing about my adventures. After paying for the replacement of the rototiller, I have decided gardening is not as cheap as I thought. From now on I will be proud every time I buy a box of tomatoes, knowing I am saving thousands of dollars.

PC MotorX

In the past I have been accused of posting only my adventures that contained lots of gore. I must agree. However, this is only because I think they are my only adventures worth posting.

So this time I will post my adventure in PC formatting.

It was a cloudless day, so I decided to go take a ride on my bike. As I backed my low-emission, ultra-light, non-fat, vitamin-enhanced, no-plants-or-animals-harmed-in-the-making Honda out of my garage, I could not help feeling good about how successful the fight to let every human follow their roots and do what felt right to them was going. I turned the key and felt my engine purr to life. I tell you what, nothing beats an electric motor. All you have to do is plug it in, and in 3hours it will magically be ready for an entire 20mile trip!

I looked down the road stretching in front of me. A warm feeling crept around me as I watched a bunny rabbit hop unheeding in the same direction I was traveling. I decided I should learn something from nature, so I followed the bunny. Soon we were out in the country going at a peaceful, relaxed pace. Here and there the bunny stopped to nibble some grass. What a perfect picture of what humanity should be: each member should go along peacefully minding only their own business, taking only what they need from the communal basket of goods and services provided by the overseeing organization of the world. Even while I was in the middle of this thought, an unnatural sound began to grow and shake the very earth I was traveling over.

Then I saw it coming fast. It was one of those monsters of society, one of those evil machines of destruction, one of those max-emission, ultra-heavy, toy-hauling destroyers of civilization.
Yes, it was an SUV!!

I floored my Honda to try and warn my bunny friend, but it was too late! The red liquid of life was spilling from his white coat of holiness. Suddenly a butterfly flew past me and landed on bunny. Bunny is probably happier as a butterfly anyways.