Sorry for not posting on this for a while but even though you haven't heard from us, it's only been a fortnight for Nan'da'man and me. So here we are at 9:42am the day we had an apointment at eight with the nice lady on the phone, our conversasion in the car on the way there sounded something like this:
Nan'da'man: Hey, weren't you s'posed to set the alarm last night?
Big Al: Well, yeah, but it was kinda difficult considering that the phone was in your pocket and you were already fast asleep when I got home!
Nan'da'man: Details, details, you dropped the ball, man!
At this point we had reached the nice lady's house. This postponed my trying to strangle Nan'da'man for the moment, which is probably a good thing considering he was driving.
We had found 2 old "in'n'out" bumper stickers in an leftover fast food bag the night before, which we stuck to the sides of our car which made us look like complete professionals, if I say so myself!
It could have been a combination these stickers, and the fact that we were 1hr.42min. late that caused the nice lady to be in a slightly egregious temper that morning. At any rate, here is an account of our introduction to her.
Ding dong!
"Oh, you two! I didn't take my son to school early for nothing you know! You were s'posed be here at eight, sharp! What's wrong with you!" She said, pointing a finger at Nan'da'man.
Not knowing exactly how to respond to this, Nan'da'man pointed at me, "It was all his fault! He didn't set the alarm last night!!!"
"You mean to tell me that you haven't even got the courtesy to get up on time for an apointment *YOU* set, and that I've been up half the night preparing for? Get out of here this instent and never shadow the doorstep again!!!"
Door slams!
Needless to say, this was my and Nan'da'man's last contracting job!
Monday, March 24, 2008
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Morning Fun
Today, I awoke with a start. Then I knew why. My little brother was jumping on me and my bed screaming "MOM SAYS TO GET UP SLEEPY HEAD!!" My entire body felt sore and I was cramping all over. As soon as my brother saw I was awake, he ran with all his might out the door. I slowly and painfully pulled myself out of bed and went to find and punish this little imp. When I found him he was sitting on the back steps of our house. I made a raging charge towards him, ending in a gracefull but determined dive straight into our freshly cleaned glass sliding door. The door held firm, but my face didn't. Through a cloud of stars and blurriness I barely made out the form of a tiny human moving away toward the back gate.
My head was spinning, but after some self assesment I desided to once again pursue my prey. When I went outside, my brother walked right up to me wagging his tail. I immediately plunged, pinning him to the cement. But wait! I must be blind! This isn't my brother, it's my dog! After this incident, I desided to postpone the punishment of the imp until some stars had once again disappeared. After an hour of laying on the couch, no stars had left, but the sun had come. "Oh, I give up!" I said to myself aloud. Suddenly, there was Mr. Imp jumping all over me and the couch screaming "MOM SAYS IT'S TIME FOR SCHOOL!"
My head was spinning, but after some self assesment I desided to once again pursue my prey. When I went outside, my brother walked right up to me wagging his tail. I immediately plunged, pinning him to the cement. But wait! I must be blind! This isn't my brother, it's my dog! After this incident, I desided to postpone the punishment of the imp until some stars had once again disappeared. After an hour of laying on the couch, no stars had left, but the sun had come. "Oh, I give up!" I said to myself aloud. Suddenly, there was Mr. Imp jumping all over me and the couch screaming "MOM SAYS IT'S TIME FOR SCHOOL!"
Monday, March 10, 2008
An Epic Skiing Adventure, part two
We rejoin Jellyfish and myself as we ride up the chair lift to the time of our lives.
Midway up the lift, I reached into my pocket looking for a starburst, only to find the Styrofoam safety hik-teeth momma billy done gave me. Sticking them in at just the right moment, so as Jellyfish wouldn't see me, I smiled big at the lift operator at the top and said: "Guess how long its been sense I brushed my teeph?".
Upon noticing this, Jellyfish felt a sudden urge to punch me across the jaw with great force. Good thing I had my safety teeth in or it would have hurt su'm awful. At any rate, once Jellyfish and I had finished our in-depth discussion on what we each considered correct lift operator relations, we proceeded to ski to the next lift at an alarmingly fast rate, which put the idea in our heads that we were ridiculously good skiers. This idea eventually forced us into the decision, which we would have inevitably made anyway, to go for the biggest park on the mountain!
We started off real good; Jellyfish went (straight) through the half pipe while I hit this huge rail (with my left pole). Soon we came to the largest jump on the mountain, from now on to be referred to as “BIG JUMP”. When we came to the place in the trail where offending snowboarders sit and wait for each other to break their necks on “BIG JUMP” before going down themselves, we stopped and just as I opened my mouth to say “we ought not try this” Jellyfish turned backwards on his skis, so as to pay better attention to me, and started sliding backwards. I reached for him but his hand slipped right through my glove, seeing as Jelly had no glove on that hand.
There were no possible means of prevention.
Jellyfish was forced to try the 540-inverted-aerial helicopter-grab move we had discussed on the chair lift. However, noting the terrified look on my friend's face, I made a gut decision when Jelly was halfway between “BIG JUMP” and myself. I decided to ski down as fast as I could, and catch Jelly in mid-air, thereby saving him from his impending destiny of collision with the staircase-rail, which was the only foreseeable landing pad for “BIG JUMP”. As I said, this was a gut decision and should not be scrutinized as if I had time to write an essay on the subject.
Jellyfish had just performed a beautiful, inverted-180 and was on the downwind side of the jump when I flew off it at about 80mph. My cowboy hat and shades had left me long ago, and I was left with only my t-shirt, poles and Bermuda shorts. As I flew over nearly all the trails between “BIG JUMP” and the lodge, a sudden rush of fear gave jolted me with the realization that I might not have a good chance of landing very well, or even surviving this jump.
Since it occurs to me that we have arrived at an entirely non-climactic interval, I think this a good time to end the post.
Midway up the lift, I reached into my pocket looking for a starburst, only to find the Styrofoam safety hik-teeth momma billy done gave me. Sticking them in at just the right moment, so as Jellyfish wouldn't see me, I smiled big at the lift operator at the top and said: "Guess how long its been sense I brushed my teeph?".
Upon noticing this, Jellyfish felt a sudden urge to punch me across the jaw with great force. Good thing I had my safety teeth in or it would have hurt su'm awful. At any rate, once Jellyfish and I had finished our in-depth discussion on what we each considered correct lift operator relations, we proceeded to ski to the next lift at an alarmingly fast rate, which put the idea in our heads that we were ridiculously good skiers. This idea eventually forced us into the decision, which we would have inevitably made anyway, to go for the biggest park on the mountain!
We started off real good; Jellyfish went (straight) through the half pipe while I hit this huge rail (with my left pole). Soon we came to the largest jump on the mountain, from now on to be referred to as “BIG JUMP”. When we came to the place in the trail where offending snowboarders sit and wait for each other to break their necks on “BIG JUMP” before going down themselves, we stopped and just as I opened my mouth to say “we ought not try this” Jellyfish turned backwards on his skis, so as to pay better attention to me, and started sliding backwards. I reached for him but his hand slipped right through my glove, seeing as Jelly had no glove on that hand.
There were no possible means of prevention.
Jellyfish was forced to try the 540-inverted-aerial helicopter-grab move we had discussed on the chair lift. However, noting the terrified look on my friend's face, I made a gut decision when Jelly was halfway between “BIG JUMP” and myself. I decided to ski down as fast as I could, and catch Jelly in mid-air, thereby saving him from his impending destiny of collision with the staircase-rail, which was the only foreseeable landing pad for “BIG JUMP”. As I said, this was a gut decision and should not be scrutinized as if I had time to write an essay on the subject.
Jellyfish had just performed a beautiful, inverted-180 and was on the downwind side of the jump when I flew off it at about 80mph. My cowboy hat and shades had left me long ago, and I was left with only my t-shirt, poles and Bermuda shorts. As I flew over nearly all the trails between “BIG JUMP” and the lodge, a sudden rush of fear gave jolted me with the realization that I might not have a good chance of landing very well, or even surviving this jump.
Since it occurs to me that we have arrived at an entirely non-climactic interval, I think this a good time to end the post.
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