Buying a New Car is a Nightmare

My old dump truck was fixing to give up the ghost, so instead of repairing it again, I thought it would be a good idea to look into buying a new car. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't. At any rate, I headed down to the local automall, happy and ignorant, not having the slightest idea what was in store for me.

I made my first stop at the first dealership I came to. I think it was one of those new Japanese-style shops because the people there couldn't stop staring at my dump truck, wondering how horrible the gas mileage was, and thinking what a horrible person I must be to own a vehicle like that. This kind of turned me off, especially after they tried to make me eat their day-old sushi, and to top it off, all their cars were little, not the sort of cars you get into, but the type you put on, like a pair of jeans in the morning. Small, gas-saving enviro-hybrids that let out a polite toot when you press the accelerator down. This was definitely not for me.


I drove down to the next lot where they had nicer people, serving fried chicken wings. Their line up consisted of trucks and sports cars, and seeing as I did want something slightly more economical then my dump truck, I decided to test drive a sports car. This thing looked cool! When I turned the key, the engine purred to life and the cybernetic-ultra-1000 artificial intelligence system asked me how my day was and if she could assist me in any way. This rather startled me and I slowly responded:


Me: I'm fine, how about yourself?


Car: Oh, quite well sir, you honor me by speaking so kindly. Is there anything at all that I might do to be of assistance?


Me: Well I would like a cup of coffee...


Car: Coming right up, sir.


Car: What are you doing!!!!!!!!!


Me: Um, merging into traffic?


Car: You just violated 16 known traffic laws! I will be forced to report you to the local authorities.


Me: (sheepishly) That's really not necessary.


Car: I'm afraid I automatically e-mailed the police department and two cars are on there way as we speak.


Me: You crazy @#$%^ car!


Car: Everything you do or say may be used against you in a court of law.


Me: Noooooo!!!! Help!!!!!


Pinching myself, I woke up from the maddening dream. Needless to say, I will not be purchasing a new vehicle any time soon.

All Humans Must Die!!!

Yup you heard it. All people must, for the good of the Earth, sacrifice themselves to pave the way for the next "set" of intelligent creatures to arise through millions of years of evolution. Did you know that the Human species has evolved to such intelligence that Humans have defied the limits of Nature and now pose the greatest threat ever to set foot on the planet? This threat is bigger than any meteor, flood, hurricane, fire, freeze or any other disaster imagined...err... found, by leading Scientists to be the cause of the dinosaurs' extinction. This disaster is global warming due to over population. Yes, you and I must die...that is the only way to make sure this planet can survive this danger.

Of course if you don't want to die just promise to never enable another Human to live. If this is the path you want to follow read about it here:

http://www.worldnetdaily.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=63755

Before jumping to conclusions please realize that this actually is NOT the belief of UH... Actually we believe in the survival of the fittest! So actually we need to rise up and make sure that other intelligent species are kept in check this way we remain most powerful on earth. The closest species to the human is no doubt the Orangutan. Thankfully due to forests being chopped their population remains in check. Unfortunately, wackos think that this is bad and lumber jacks need to be stopped but then again these same wackos think that if they die the earth will be a better place. I could not disagree!... If they wipe themselves out who can stand in the way of powerful tree cutters? Little green scooter against 30in. chainsaw?? 'Nough said.

Actually UH...Doesn't go that far either. But do you see how absurd people can get??